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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
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I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
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Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a \'C\', the idea must be feasible.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
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Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
The truth is more important than the facts.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
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And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
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I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/27/(Fri) 02:49
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